A Culture of Violence
Patriarchy is the system on which our world is based – its defining characteristic being the belief that men are inherently more valuable than women. Its effects are far-reaching, and the patriarchal system maintains class, gender, racial, heterosexual and the status quo of power.
“[It relies] on both crude forms of oppression, like violence; and subtle ones, like laws; to perpetuate inequality. Patriarchal beliefs of male, heterosexual dominance and the devaluation of girls and women lie at the root of gender based violence.” – Asian Pacific Institute on Gender-Based Violence
This creates a culture where gender-based violence, misogyny (hating women) means that women and girls are devalued, as are LGBTQ+ individuals, as well as people of colour. This leads to the minimizing of abuse and sexual assault, ignores sexism, promotes toxic masculinity and uses men’s achievements to excuse their behaviour (Asian Pacific Institute on Gender-Based Violence). It also means that many survivors and those with lived experience can be reluctant to come forward with their stories, because they are often not believed.
The #metoo movement was something of a watershed moment for women who have been silenced. The story of Harvey Weinstein, a powerful Hollywood producer accused of assaulting or harassing over 100 women inspired the #metoo phenomenon, and millions from around the world to tell their stories.
As Jackson Katz points out in this TED Talk, violent behaviour is inherently tied to our society’s definition of manhood. Check it out.
Barriers in the System
Because of our patriarchal system, there are many, many barriers that survivors face when trying to tell their stories, seek justice, or simply trying to move on to a violence free life.
We don’t live in a culture that values women’s voices as much as men’s, so the justice system can often be more traumatizing than the violence itself. Women’s voices are not believed, sometimes by their close circles of support. In reality, our systems are designed by, and for, white men. It’s not surprising that many of those who have been victimized find it challenging to navigate these systems.
Rural Challenges
In addition to the barriers experienced by all those with lived experience, rural women often have additional challenges to deal with.
- Geographical isolation – Support may be many kilometres away, and impossible for women to access.
- Transportation – Women may not have access to a vehicle, and often no public transportation is available.
- Poverty – When deciding whether or not to leave a dangerous situation, women often have to choose between poverty or violence. Leaving her home could mean she has zero access to bank accounts or finances.
- Leaving livestock and animals – One of the biggest barriers for women leaving violence is fear of what will happen to pets and livestock. Often, perpetrators of violence threaten to harm animals as a means of controlling women.
- Social Isolation – This is something that many women in violent and controlling information have to deal with, but it can sometimes be amplified in the rural setting. Friends and family may be further away geographically and harder to access.
- Poor internet connection – This again makes seeking help, or support from social circles more difficult.
Abuse and Manipulation Tactics
Often, when people think of domestic violence, physical violence comes to mind. However, this is just one tactic that perpetrators use to exert control over women. The behavior could look like something very minor, but could symbolize something much more powerful.
There are so many different ways that abusers can ensure that they control their victims, it would be impossible to list them all here. Here are a few that people don’t tend to think of as abusive behavior. For more information, check out Speak Out Loud.
- Gas-lighting: This is a type of emotional abuse wherein an abuser lies or downplays the impact of an event or something they say. It could include phrases like “It’s not that bad” or “you’re over-reacting” or even, “I never said that”. All of this can create doubt in the mind of the victim, and the end goal is to ensure that she’s the “crazy” one for ever questioning his behaviour.
- Isolation: Not only controlling where she goes and who she talks to, but controlling what she reads, listens too, and watches on TV or online.
- Over-Protection: Like refusing to let her go anywhere or do certain things because he’s “worried” for her safety.
- Blaming Others: This is a classic abuse tactic. Perpetrators rarely take responsibility for their actions – often placing the blame on women for causing the way they acted.
- Separation Abuse: This could include forms of stalking, especially after the relationship has ended. The perpetrator will continually send flowers, gifts, or other trinkets, which shows that he can always find her. This can be a particularly effective tactic, because from the outside, the gestures seem kind and caring.
- Manipulation of Social Systems: Such as court systems or CAS. This is a way of wielding systemic power over women, and the consequences are dire (such as custody of children).
- Emotional Manipulation: Being on a “roller-coaster” emotionally with him. One moment he’s loving, kind and caring; the next he’s angry and aggressive. Women often say they feel like their “walking on eggshells” in their own home, to keep from trying to set off the abuser. This could also include things like degradation and undercutting her achievements, making her feel bad about herself.
- Threats: Making threats to harm her family, friends, and pets (this is extremely common, and is a huge barrier for women trying to leave the relationship).
- Financial Abuse: Making sure she has zero control, knowledge or access to finances. Also a large barrier for women leaving the relationship. Often women must choose to stay, and live in violence, or leave and live in poverty.
- Cyber Abuse and Cyber Stalking: This is such a wide topic, and has many different ways of appearing. It can include things like abusers posting personal information online (address, phone number, etc), spreading rumours or photos, creating fake email addresses so she can’t block him, etc. All of these tactics are designed to humiliate, as well as take away her sense of security and privacy. Cyber abuse can also include hacking, stealing passwords, reading emails, forcing her to be available to him at all times, telling her who she can and can’t interact with through social media. (https://speakoutloud.net/intimate-partner-abuse/cyber-bullying ) It’s important to know that it’s impossible to keep yourself safe online. However, there are some things you can do to mitigate risk. If you are experiencing any of these types of abuse, please give us a call and we’ll support you in whatever way you need.
For more information, check out Speak Out Loud.
Or, watch Leslie Morgan Steiner’s Ted Talk to see the different power and control tactics her abuser used. She also answers the “Why doesn’t she just leave?” question.
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